you know how some women have a birth story? well, this is an un-birth story; a here's-how-i-haven't-gotten-pregnant, if you will. if this is TMI or simply not your thing, feel free to stop reading now. i won't be offended. have a gander at some Pinterest projects i attempted or fall in love with some local brews. it's all good.
two years ago, with stars in our eyes and silly smiles on our faces, we started trying to have a baby. at that point, many of my friends already had a baby. I had commiserated with multiple friends over insomnia and swollen feet, heard the myriad of birth stories, and occasionally, babysat a few of my friends' kiddos. the cherry to all that whipped cream was that I had also been nannying a baby for eight months. people, I was a pro and I was ready.
six months later, the smile was still firmly in place and honestly, I was relieved. i’m not fertile Myrtle, I thought to myself. that had been a secret fear of mine. what if I was the sort of person who would pregnant right away—every single time? we’d be back to NFP in no time (because c’mon, after two or three babies arrived in the span of three years, I’d have crazy eyes and a perpetual look of terror on my face).
when the one year mark had passed us by, I was a little nervous but generally, still okay. it had taken my mom a year of trying before she got pregnant with me. i was convinced that was what was going on. i made an appointment with an OBGYN—because hey, they always say to wait a year—and went in, confident that the doctor would prescribe one or two drugs (which is what happened to most of my friends), and bam, baby in belly, just like that.
the doctor couldn’t find a thing wrong with either one of us. medically speaking, we were stellar candidates for pregnancy; all of our ducks were in a row (if making babies was anything like lining up ducks). i was getting frustrated and impatient and I just wanted a solution; something tangible that we could fix. i went to see another doctor, this time one specializing in fertility. she also declared me to be in good physical shape, but suggested an HSG test, one which would check for blockages in my fallopian tubes. i passed the HSG with flying colors. no blockages here.
and that's when the road seemed to come to an abrupt dead end. so...what now?
what now involves foster classes, DIY projects, and weekends with friends. it's a jumble of blog posts, music lessons, and lots of photography shoots (October, with its array of burnt orange foliage and crisp temperatures, is The Time to get photos taken, just in case you were wondering!). it's still trying to make a baby. Drew and i are tap dancing two paths at once while working, playing, and generally, living the life we've got to the very best of our combined abilities.
it's exhausting. oftentimes painfully weird (you guys, the drug Clomid is the devil, really and truly. i have never cried so much or been as depressed as those three months i took Clomid). and sometimes (if we're being honest here), it's plain boring (there's only so many times one can cry about the lack of a baby before everyone, including the crier, is bored silly).
but no matter what else, this life is most definitely not the straight line i had envisioned.
***photo taken by my extremely talented sister, Giedre, of Walking Dot Photography.